It's been about a hundred years since I've posted. If you had asked me before I had Sam what I'd blame my lack of blogging on, I would have said "lack of sleep, child is too demanding, or I just don't have time". To my surprise, none of those would be the correct answer at this point. The reason is, I love this kid too much to put her down and write a post. In fact, right now she's propped up in my Boppy pillow sleeping right next to me, but she's wiggling her little piggies on my arm and it is warming my heart.
I thought I might try to do my beyond the bump blogging similar to my pregnancy blog with little categories and then notes at the end, but I just couldn't come up with anything that really felt great. Instead I'm just going to make some points about things I've felt or done in the last 7 and a half weeks since this little beautiful nugget marched her way out of my uterus and into my whole entire heart forever.
Sam's birth was pretty uneventful. Since she came via planned C-section, there wasn't a whole lot of drama surrounding it at all. When I went into the operating room the surgeons had Sister Hazel playing, so I instantly calmed down a bit. Jake and I danced to a Sister Hazel song at our wedding, so I guess I kind of took that as a sign that everything would be okay. The procedure was kind of weird, I could feel all of the tugging and pulling on my belly, but couldn't feel any pain. I hated the 30 minutes that they spent sewing me up after she was born. Jake just sat next to me holding Sam and all I wanted was to hold her myself. How is it fair that the female carries the baby for 9 months and then if they have to cut your baby out of you Dad gets to hold her/him for the first 30 minutes of life?!? BS if you ask me! All things considered though, I feel totally at peace with the way she made her debut. It was peaceful and calm and she was just perfect, which is really all that matters. One funny sidenote: since she was frank breech (folded in half), after the nurse got done cleaning her off and holding her legs down, they shot straight back up over her head. One of the L&D nurses said "just what a new dad wants to see his daughter do right after she's born". Not shockingly, she's had a personality since the minute she was born.
Nursing her for the first few weeks was absolutely horrible. I don't think I'll ever forget the toe-curling pain of nursing with sore nips and engorged boobs. Don't even get me started on how big these jugs are now. You know it's bad when your mom tells you that you look like a porn star. The pain has eased though and miraculously I actually enjoy nursing her. I was totally weirded out by it before, but it has been pretty easy for me and she has been a great eater, so I have no complaints. Jake loves it too since he has only woken up in the middle of the night about 3 times to give her a bottle. Just another reason men have it made in this whole deal we call life.
Before I had Sam I was totally freaked out about being a parent. Other parents with young kids have a tendency to scare those of us without kids. It seems all people talk about is the late nights and the screaming and the nasty diapers. What they neglect to tell you is that the feelings you have for this small being who poops and cries and sleeps and makes your boobs hurt, are unlike any other feelings you have ever experienced. Before I was a parent I always wondered what that "unconditional love" felt like and I was eager to feel it one day. Now that she's here, I know that nobody could ever have put it into words. There's no amount of descriptive language that can express the love that a parent feels for their child. And as far as "being a mom" goes, you just know what to do. This is my public service announcement to anyone out there who feels the way I did before having a baby (a.k.a. completely terrified): it's not that bad. In fact, it's not bad at all. It's fun and it's great! And if you have huge knockers like me and produce enough milk to feed an army of starving babies, you can still go out and get drunk every once in a while! I'm sure there will be trying times in our future, but for now I'm on cloud 9 and I'd like to stay there.
A few random thoughts:
-Dressing a baby girl is the most fun thing ever. Now I know why little kids like to play doll dress up. I feel like I'm 8 again and dressing my American Girl doll, but I get to do it every day and my baby doll is alive and actually kind of looks like me.
-Now that I'm not scared of my own baby, I'm anxious for several of my pregnant friends to have their babies so I can see if having my own baby has changed my outlook on other babies. I'll report back on this in May.
-The Woombie swaddler is the most life-saving baby product ever. Sam has slept at least 5 hours every night since I bought it. It was $30 but I would pay $100 knowing now that she sleeps like an angel and can't wriggle herself out of it like she did her swaddling blankets. She slept 10pm-5am last night and I feel like I slept for days.
-Callie hates me now, but she's coming around every day. I'm hoping by the time Sam goes to Kindergarten Callie will be herself again.
-I have never dreaded anything more than I am dreading going back to work. I am trying to focus my energy on the few weeks I have left at home with my little munchkin, but the looming date of going back to work weighs heavy on my mind every day. I need to buy a lottery ticket ASAP.
-Sam started smiling a week ago. It was probably the cutest thing I've ever seen.
-If my ass doesn't start shrinking soon I'm going to be wearing my maternity clothes from now until after I have my next child. I refuse to spend money on "fat jeans". I think I'll start my Insanity workout this weekend. And along those same lines, the first mile I ran two weeks ago was the most hilarious and miserable thing I have ever done in my life. I hope everyone that drove by me on the street that day got a good laugh. I'm positive I looked like a hippo shuffling down the sidewalk. Yikes.
-I just want to say thank you to everyone who brought us dinner, bought Sam clothes, came to visit, called to see how we were doing, and even commented on Sam's pictures on facebook. The first few weeks of her life we were overwhelmed with so much love and support, I was completely humbled by it all. On top of that, I really don't know what I would have done without my parents those first few days. I only hope that one day when Sam is having babies of her own that I can be as awesome as my parents were for me. I have a completely new perspective on our relationship now that I am a parent and I love them and appreciate them more than they will ever know.
