Before Sam got here I desperately wanted to write down the feelings I was having about becoming a parent for the first time. Unfortunately I didn't get around to it before she got here, so four weeks later I'm updating the feelings I did get to jot down a few weeks ago before Sam started screaming for the booby juice.
Sam's birth was a little different for Jake and me because we knew we weren't going to experience the spontaneity of my water breaking, rushing to the hospital while screaming from awful contractions, and the waiting game of labor. We knew exactly when she was coming, and I have to admit it was kind of weird.
The two days after Christmas were pretty crazy. I wanted to do something "epic" before we became parents, but since I was suffering from major sciatic pain and couldn't drink, I couldn't come up with anything really great for us to do. We had 915 for dinner one last time (I won't be taking my infant to that smoke-filled establishment anytime soon) and saw Les Mis (major disappointment) on Wednesday night. Thursday we kind of ran around doing last minute things so we would be ready for Miss Sam. Our last supper on Thursday night was Mexican food at Anita's. Jake and I went to bed early and I downed two Benadryl since I knew it would be the last night for several years that I would actually get a full night's sleep. Writing this now, boy am I glad I did.
My emotions were all over the map before she got here. I was obviously thrilled to be meeting my daughter for the first time on Friday, but there was a larger part of me that just felt kind of sad. As weird as that sounds, Jake and I have been Jake and I for 12 years and the thought of adding another person to our duo was exciting and frightening all at once. I honestly was really enjoying our life together just the way it was. We did our own thing and didn't have to worry about a screaming baby in the middle of the night or a babysitter on Saturday when we wanted to hang out with our friends. The thought of all of that coming to a screeching halt made me nervous and sad all at the same time.
The fear of the unknown was also weighing on me. What if I'm one of those moms who doesn't fall in love with my baby right away? What if I suffer from postpartum depression? What if she won't nurse? What if Jake loves her more than he loves me? What if I never regain feeling in my legs after the spinal? What if there's something wrong with my baby? What if I don't recover from surgery very well? Knowing right when your baby is coming is a blessing and a curse.
Luckily for me, none of my fears came true. I fell in love with her instantly. I am not suffering from postpartum depression. She is nursing like a champ. Jake still loves me. I'm walking like a normal human. She is completely healthy. And 4 weeks later I am doing pretty great as far as recovery is concerned.
Stay tuned for the latest on life with Sam :)
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