G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S (flossy flossy)

The glamorous and not so glamorous things about being a mother. I'll start with the not-so and end on a positive note!

-Using a breast pump in the car on your way to a concert on a Friday night while thinking, "I hope the trucker next to me can't see my ta-tas being suctioned from here to kingdom come." To be clear, using a breast pump anywhere is not glamorous, but this is especially not glamorous.

-Cleaning up poop from anywhere, but especially while standing in the check out line at Kroger.  You're standing there and your adorable husband has your baby in the bjorn and he says "I think she pooped" and you turn around and there's some form of liquid dripping from his hand onto the floor of the checkout lane. The 17 year old make bagger gets some cleaner and a paper towel and gets to work while you try not to care that your kid just shat all over the floor but you can't help but feel a little but bad. You ride home with your poopy baby in your hubby's lap in the backseat because you're too lazy to get poop on the carseat pad and have to put it in the wash.  Not glamorous.

-A week later you don't realize that swim diapers don't protect from pee leaks and you leave your baby in said carseat in said swim diaper while she pees. In turn, you have to wash the car seat pad you avoided washing a week ago. Not glamorous.

-You dig for gold (boogers) in your baby's nose without thinking twice about it. You can't have her wandering around with bats in the cave. Not glamorous.

-You show up to work in a black blazer thinking you look super fetch, but in turn realize there is slobber all over the right shoulder of your blazer from holding your baby while wearing that blazer a few weeks ago.  Chances of you taking that wool blazer to get dry-cleaned: 0%.  Not glamorous.

-Your idea of a sexy bra is one that does not have breast milk on it.  Bonus points if there are less than 3 hooks in the back and the shoulder straps are less than 2 inches thick.  Not glamorous.

-Being awake at 2am for anything unrelated to social activities or husband/wife bedroom activities.  Not glamorous.

Switching gears...

-A majorly hot 40-something-male runs by you while you've got your baby in the stroller and says "wow that is a beautiful baby.  You translate that to mean "wow you make beautiful babies and I think you're beautiful too".  Thanks bro, you just made my day.  Glamorous.

-Any random stranger tells you your baby is beautiful.  Glamorous.

-Dressing your sweet baby girl up in ribbons, bows, dresses, bathing suits and sunglasses.  Also shopping for said items.  Fun and glamorous.

-Letting your sweet baby girl fall asleep on your chest.  There is nothing better in the world.  So glamorous.

-Your baby is splashing in the pool and quickly learns that she is splashing herself in the face so she starts closing her eyes before she splashes.  You realize she might be the next girl genius.  Smart and glamorous.

-Listening to the sound of your baby's infectious laughter while you tickle her.  Funny and glamorous.

-Getting an arm and back workout on the daily just by carrying your adorable albeit extra chubby baby around.  Fit and glamorous.

-You walk into a room and your baby's face instantly lights up because her Mommy just walked in.  Glamorous.

-Your husband walks into the room and your heart melts because your baby's face just lit up because Daddy just walked in.  Extra glamorous.


P.S. After having typed it 839,495,494,838 times during this blog post, I have determined that glamorous is in fact a hideous word and I don't like it anymore.  Sorry, Fergie.