Size of Peanut: Cantaloupe
Total Weight Gain: My pants are starting to feel a little tight in the thighs (shock), but I'll know my exact number at my appointment on Friday. Let's just say I'm not real excited about that...
Maternity Clothes: I have a shopping problem. I 150% hate the way my body looks right now. Like more than you could possibly imagine, yet I still keep buying clothes. I bought a dress for my company Christmas party this past week. In my defense it was mega cheap and it's so cute I'm hoping I can have it altered to fit my not pregnant body when I'm not pregnant anymore, but the point is, I didn't need to buy a dress and I did anyway.
The good news is, that super expensive tank I bought at the beginning of my pregnancy has proven week in and week out to be the best maternity purchase I have made. I am mad when it's in the laundry and I'd wear it every day without washing it if I could. My only complaint is that since it's white, long, and tight, it kind of rolls up at the bottom when I sit down, so it's become a little discolored at the bottom from me pulling it down so many times throughout the day. However, I would recommend this over and over again to anyone who is pregnant, especially anyone with gigantic boobs. It has helped me feel very supported and contained and I could not be happier with my purchase.
Exercise: Last week one of the only things that really made me feel like I got some endorphins going was exercise. It really seemed to put me in a better mood, even if only temporarily. I think I worked out 3 days last week, and I've gotten back to Barre3 as well. I am convinced that any barre workout is the best workout for pregnant mamas, and I am so thankful there is a great Barre3 studio in Fort Thomas now!
Sleep: Jake had to travel to Nashville this week for work (shout out to all the moms and wives whose husbands travel on the reg - it is seriously the worst and I would be a miserable human being if Jake had to travel all the time). I typically don't sleep very well when he's not there, but in the past at least I have had Callie to keep me company in bed. This trip could not have fallen at a worse time as I felt incredibly lonely and sad in my room at night. Jake not being there at bedtime was just a constant reminder that Callie is gone too. I am so excited to have him home tonight.
Best Moment(s) this week: Our company Christmas party was this week and while Jake's absence could not have come at a worse time for my sleep habits, this party could not have come at a better time for my emotional well being. Our company gets some pretty awesome people to come put on a concert for us at Music Hall every year (I have seen the likes of Keith Urban and Journey in the past), and this year they brought us the incredibly talented John Legend. One of our family church friends also works here and is infinitely more important than I am (but seriously though). The past two years she has offered me "pit" tickets (I could not be more grateful). This year since Jake was gone, I took my friend Maria and we got to sit in the front row. I swear John Legend looked at us like 3 times! He was amazing, it was amazing, and I loved every second. I think he was even better live than he is on his albums, his voice is incredible. Here's a clip of the Legend himself singing my all time favorite love song:
Gender: I think it's time to delete this category. We're having another girl - yay! There's really not much else more to say about it other than:
1. No we are not going to "try for a boy" next or ever
and
2. No I'm not really that nervous about having 2 girls, I'm actually pretty excited and was a little bit terrified at the thought of raising a boy so everyone who thinks otherwise about raising girls can kindly buzz off.
Movement: Macy's active time continues to be anywhere between 9pm and 10pm, which is way better than Sam's active time which if I remember correctly was anywhere between 2am and 4am (punk). Although the other night I had a nightmare dream that I was bleeding internally and they had to deliver her at 24 weeks and I was OBVIOUSLY freaking out that she wouldn't survive because it was too early, and I woke up to her kicking like crazy in there. After that nightmare, those middle of the night kicks were a welcome occurrence. Let's just not make a habit out of that, okay Macy?
Food Cravings: This hasn't changed much. I still want to eat sugar pretty much every hour of every day, and most of the time when I want it, I eat it. Our business unit's president just sent an entire box of Cheryl's cookies to each employee and if I weren't living with my parents right now, I'd be inclined to eat the whole box of 50 cookies all by myself. Just another reason to be thankful we are living there!
Symptoms: Nerve pain and more nerve pain. It differs day to day, but I don't even want to think about how terrible this is going to be when she is so big she is squishing all of my organs and pushing them back into all the nerves on my back. I continue to be baffled by all of you women who enjoy being pregnant. There is nothing, I repeat, nothing, enjoyable about this for me. NOTHING.
What I Miss: NOT BEING PREGNANT. BEING ABLE TO TAKE DEEP BREATHS. WEARING MY REGULAR CLOTHES. BEING ABLE TO WALK LIKE A 30 YEAR OLD INSTEAD OF AN 80 YEAR OLD. ALL OF THE THINGS THAT NON-PREGNANT WOMEN ENJOY LIKE ALCOHOL AND JIMMY JOHNS ITALIAN NIGHT CLUB SANDWICHES AND AS MUCH CAFFEINE AS YOU WANT.
What I am Looking Forward to: NOT BEING PREGNANT.
Sam Tidbits:
-This child, I swear. She has more energy than an army of high school football players hyped up on Monster energy drinks before a playoff game. Someone deliver me. She seriously does not stop. We were at my grandma's house for dinner the other night and my grandma looked at me and said "Jess, does she ever stop moving?" and I looked at her and said "No Geeg, no she actually does not ever stop moving. Like even when we are laying in bed at night reading stories she is either climbing on me or messing with her hair or wanting to turn the page or readjust her blankets, for the love.
-I can't decide if I am happy or sad or indifferent about this, but Sam has not mentioned Callie without being prompted. I have tried to pry a few times to see if she misses her or ever even thinks about her, and she usually just gives a one word answer and moves on to something else like how much she misses her preschool friends or that she wants a Frozen bubble maker from Santa Claus (where did she get this gift idea by the way?). I think I'm mostly heartbroken that she doesn't ask about her because it makes me feel like she never even really cared about Callie anyway, but then I remind myself that one of her favorite sayings is "remember when we went there next week?" and I realize that she has no concept of time and that never going to see her again doesn't really register with an almost 3 year old and then it's okay that she doesn't ask and it actually makes me feel better that she isn't feeling the emotional pain and heartbreak that I'm still feeling.
I guess this is more of an emotional update on my end now that she has crossed the rainbow bridge into doggy heaven, but I'll leave it here for a few weeks so I can do a self check and see how I'm actually doing. I feel about one thousand times better than I did last week at this time, but I'm still a lot sadder than I ever imagined I would be. I've moved on from crying at the drop of a hat, to just thinking that I see her when I come around the corner, or expecting her to greet me when I open the door. I still look for her laying under my feet at the couch every time I get up, and I still think she's going to to follow me every time I leave a room. It's just really hard to adjust to her not being there, and I think that's what makes me so sad. Hopefully time will continue to do its job and heal my heart.
In the meantime, I'm doing research (without Jake's consent - until he reads this and realizes I've been doing research) on some breeders and rescues so we can make an informed decision on a dog next year when we move into our house and are ready for another one.
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