Thirty-Five

How Far Along: 35 weeks - just 2 more weeks until we are full term!

Size of Peanut: A coconut - no wonder I can't breathe and I pee every 5 minutes...

Total Weight Gain: I am up to about 32 pounds now.  After several weeks of no gain, I think my body finally changed all of its muscle to fat, and now I'm just adding more fat and poundage to myself.  We'll just pretend all of those pounds are amniotic fluid and Macy's weight.  I think I'm going to go with that.  Losing baby weight is going to be so much fun!

Maternity Clothes: Most of the tops I've been wearing my entire pregnancy were not actual maternity tops, just loose fitting tops.  They are no longer loose fitting, and basically look ridiculous on me now.  Good thing I'm spending most of my time at home and nobody but Jake, Sam and my parents have to look at me on a regular basis.

Exercise: I really really miss exercising.  I guess this is a good thing?  Typically when I stop exercising it's because I've decided that eating cookies and watching TV is more exciting than going to the gym.  Then I usually fall into a lazy routine where I don't do anything for several months and it's next to impossible for me to get back into a routine where exercise is part of my life again.  Maybe this time feels different because I was told I wasn't allowed to exercise, and it wasn't something I decided on my own.  I am so looking forward to being able to go for a long walk or a long run, or take a barre class again.  The only bad thing is, I know how badly it's going to MAJORLY SUCK the first time.  Yikes - but bring it on.

Sleep: We finally decided on a mattress.  We tried a topper for the Helix and I was still not a fan, so we're sticking with the mattress we got at mattress firm.  I'm sleeping as well as can be expected at this point in my pregnancy, so I'm just biding my time until Macy gets here and I can actually sleep comfortably again - INTERRUPTED - but comfortably.

Best Moment(s) this week: Let me just start by saying that bed rest SUCKS.  It SUCKS SO BAD.  Especially with a three year old who doesn't understand "Mommy needs to sit" and "Mommy can't hold you".   Laying around is fun for about 13 and a half minutes until it gets really old and boring and you want to get up and move.  That being said, I went to the doctor on Monday and got a good report.  I'm still only 1cm dilated, and he said she's still sitting head down, really low.  He also said I can start to move around a little more since we've made it to 35 weeks.  If I start to feel the contractions acting up while I'm up moving around, then just sit back down and kick my feet up.  I actually cleaned our room and helped put away dishes for the first time in 3 weeks and it's truly sad how amazing that felt.  My doctor also said that he really has a good feeling about me being able to do this VBAC, so that made me feel really good too.  I am just really hoping to go into labor on my own sometime after 36 weeks and push this baby out without a whole lot of intervention.  Is that too much to ask?

Movement: Macy's favorite activity time is right around 10:30pm.  You know, right when I'm trying to fall asleep every night.  It's really super awesome.  I remember Sam was active from like 3-4am so I'm not sure what's worse.  Of course neither of my babies decided that 3-4pm was a super fun time to be active every day.  The good news is, she moves a lot, which is always reassuring.

Food Cravings: I sound like a broken record - give me all of the cookies!!!!!!!!!!!

Symptoms:  I texted one of my besties this week and said that I had forgotten how much I truly despise the end of pregnancy.  There is really nothing appealing about it at all, except for the anticipation of meeting your new baby.  I am unbelievably uncomfortable, I use a roll of toilet paper every day, I can't breathe, my back is killing me, my boobs are out of control, I still have that shooting pain/rash/freak weird thing going on under my left boob, and my feet are starting to not fit in my shoes.  All I want is a bottle glass of wine and an empty bladder.

What I Miss: Wine and an empty bladder, obviously.  I also really miss being able to lay on my back for more than 15 seconds without feeling like I'm going to pass out.  I also miss laying on my stomach, but mostly my back.  

What I am Looking Forward to: Generally just not being pregnant anymore.  I think I have reached the point where I can't really look forward to much because I feel like at any minute I could go into labor.  I'm really more than anything just looking forward to meeting this sweet little babe.

Sam Tidbits: She just continues to melt my heart with her little sweetness.  One morning this week she woke up when I walked into her room and the first thing she said was "I love you Mommy".  She has started saying it unprompted on a fairly regular basis now, and I'm positive there is nothing sweeter in the world.

We have been trying to work on her Ls that sound like Ws, her lazy Rs, and her THs that sound like Fs.  She is kind of getting the hang of it, saying "I la-la-la-love you".  It's pretty cute.  I am not really concerned that these things won't just kind of fizzle out and fix themselves as she grows, but I also think we have reached a point where we need to at least try to get her to say things correctly.  I do want to get all of her cute misspoken words on video before she fixes them though!

I think she is really starting to understand that there is going to be a new baby soon.  She asked me one day this week if Macy was coming out today.  She seems pretty excited and she usually wants to give Macy a kiss (kiss my belly) when she gives me a kiss good morning or good-bye too.

I feel almost the exact same emotions I felt when I was at this point in my pregnancy with Sam.  I was so ready to be done being pregnant, and so SO excited to meet our little girl, but also kind of sad. I was sad that our little family of 2 that we had learned how to make function so well, was not going to exist anymore.  I feel the same way now.  I am so SO excited to meet this little girl too, and to be a mom to not one, but TWO beautiful girls (how lucky am I?), but I'm also nervous and scared and anxious about such a big change.  Parenting is hard and we have our challenges, but life is pretty cushy right now.  Sam can do a lot of things on her own and we have our little routines that work. We know we have a solid hour or two of alone time every night when she goes to bed.  We generally get to sleep the amount of hours we would prefer to sleep, and I haven't changed a diaper in almost a year!  My how things are about to change!  Just typing it all out is making me even more anxious.  But regardless of the angst and the change and the nerves, I really truly can't wait to meet her, and to see Sam be a sister.  My heart may explode just thinking about it.

Thirty-Four

How Far Along: 34 weeks - still cooking - wooo!!  This was a big milestone goal for us, so now we are shooting for a March birthday.  Just 2 more weeks!

Size of Peanut: We went to the doctor on Monday and had an ultrasound just to check on Macy's size and fluid levels.  She is measuring a little bit small, but actually close to 50th percentile in weight - about 5 pounds!  Her head is a little bit small, but still within normal range.  This is all good news for my chances of a VBAC, which is really good at this point.  So yay!

Total Weight Gain: I have only gained 2 pounds in the last 3 weeks, so I'm not really sure exactly what my total weight gain is at this point.  If I use my arbitrary approximate weight from my old scale at my old house, I've gained about 28 pounds.  I've been a little concerned at my lack of weight gain, but knowing now that Macy is a decent size pretty much just confirms that I haven't been gaining weight because all of the muscles I had worked so hard to maintain have completely turned to mush at this point.  I probably couldn't do a push up if my life depended on it, and I get winded walking up the stairs.  It's going to be a long road back to any sort of physical fitness.  Oh well!

Maternity Clothes: I am officially working from home until I deliver, per doctor's orders, so I shouldn't really need to worry about any clothes getting too small from here on out.  I will be lounging around in leggings, Jake's sweats, and oversize sweaters and super stretchy tops.  My boobs are officially busting out of my already laughably huge bras, and that's only going to get worse.  Cheers to looking like a slob for a solid 3 or 4 months!  #mommyproblems

Thirty-Three

How Far Along: 33 weeks (who ever thought I'd be throwing a party for STILL being pregnant?)

Size of Peanut: Okay - I'm done with this.  What in God's name is a Durian fruit?  Can "they" seriously not come up with something better than that?  Baby is big and she's taking up all of my lung space - that's the size of peanut.

Total Weight Gain: I have gained about a half a pound in a matter of 2.5 weeks.  So who really knows what in the heck is going on.  As far as I'm concerned, I weigh less than I did when I delivered Sam.  That's my gauge at this point, so I'm happy until I exceed that number.

Maternity Clothes: I don't think I've purchased anything else recently, and my clothes still fit.  I was just thinking the other day about the last couple weeks of my pregnancy with Sam and how my work pants were TOO small but I kept wearing them anyway.  And I worked full time then, so I would literally wear the same pants 5 days in a row without washing them so they would be nice and stretched and comfy by Friday.  Then Monday they'd be clean and tight again and I'd be real unhappy camper.  Haha.  Good thing leggings and long shirts are more in style this time around.  Elastic pants for the win!

Exercise: I didn't think it was possible for me to miss exercising as much as I do.  I can say with 100% certainty now that the reason I was feeling so good a few weeks ago was because I was staying so active.  My back is officially killing me and I feel like a big glob of goo.  Perhaps the reason I have hardly gained any weight the last few weeks is because all of the muscle tone I had maintained has turned into donuts and ice cream?

Sleep: I think I have officially reached the point where I've accepted the fact that sleep is going to be a rare occurrence for me for the next 5-6 months.  I have virtually no chance of getting a good night's sleep between now and delivery, and less than 0% chance of getting a good night's sleep once Macy is born.  Since Sam was a fantastic sleeper, I am fully prepared for Macy to sleep terribly and cause Jake and me all kinds of sleeping grief.  So...cheers to being a night owl until 2017!

Best Moment(s) this week: We finally met with our builder and the site supervisor to talk about our house!  They were hoping to start bringing dirt to the lot this week to build up the valley that our house is going to sit on, but it snowed, so who knows if that's going to happen.  The good news is, things are in motion now.  And don't worry, I hate 2.5 donuts at our meeting after I had a full breakfast before I left my house!
Additionally, at this point, every day that I wake up and I'm still pregnant is the best moment of my week.  I honestly never thought I'd be thinking that, but I wake up every day and thank the big man upstairs for keeping this baby cooking one more day.  One more day in my belly means less time in the NICU and less chance of health problems down the road.  So...cheers to being pregnant and miserable!

Movement: I think she has shifted slightly in my belly.  Just last week I was feeling her kick me in the bottom part of the right side of my rib cage.  I would legitimately put my hand right under my ribs and move her feet out from under my ribs because it was so uncomfortable.  She seems to have straightened herself out and is now just kicking me and squirming in the center of my belly.  I wish I had been taking better weekly pictures so I could see if there's any difference in the way my belly looks.  Oh well - second child problems.

Food Cravings: I celebrated Fat Tuesday this week just like a pregnant lady should - with loads and loads of calories.  I blame Macy - I need to fatten her up in case she really does come out early :)

Symptoms:  My back is hurting a lot like it did during my pregnancy with Sam.  I'm unsure if this is possibly back labor, or if it's our new mattress (highly possible), or if it's because my abdominal muscles, hamstrings, and glutes have gone to mush the last 10 days from not exercising.  Regardless, it hurts and is super uncomfortable.  I'm also breaking out all over my face like a 13 year old, which is super fun.  I'm tired as F.  My hips have started aching really badly, kind of just like a dull ache all day long.  It feels like I need to stretch, but stretching doesn't help.  My contractions have calmed down a lot since I have been on the prescription and taking it easy, but I still feel an enormous amount of pressure in my lower pelvis and I have a lot of cramping going on sporadically throughout the day.  At my doctor's appointment he felt her head and said "wow she's sitting really low, do you feel a lot of pressure?"  Yes, doc, I sure do.  I pee every 5 minutes and worry every time I sneeze that she's just going to fall right on out (I have been holding the bottom of my belly every time I sneeze as if I'm going to be able to hold her in and keep her from falling out - ha).  Pregnancy is so glamorous.

What I Miss: Weeks 12-19 of my pregnancy - before we knew about the SUA and before I was in pre-term labor.  Yeah, I miss only worrying a little bit, rather than worrying a whole heck of a lot.  I also miss sleeping.
And I miss my Callie girl, so, so much.

What I am Looking Forward to: It's kind of hard to look forward to stuff when you're really not supposed to be doing much of anything.  As much as I want her to stay put in my uterus for as long as possible, I am really really looking forward to meeting this little bit and knowing that she is healthy and okay.  I am a control freak and all of the unknowns are just plain killing me.

Doctor's Appointment: Since I'm going to be seeing my doctor every week until I deliver, I might as well jot down everything we learn at our appointments.  My cervix is still closed, and my water is not leaking, which is good.  He again said that he doesn't think I will be going into labor before next week, but he also doesn't have a crystal ball, so he prepares us for worst case scenario, which I appreciate.  With the SUA being at play too, he said this is all kind of a balancing act from here on out.  I'm going to have an ultrasound next Monday to check on growth and fluid levels.  Each week they will just have to assess her growth and what my body is doing as far as labor is concerned and make a decision from there.  He said I will be on the medicine until 36.5 weeks at which point they will take me off the medicine and let my body take it from there.  He recommended that I either stop working or work from home for the rest of my pregnancy since my contractions seem to pick up when I am moving around too much.  The hustle and bustle of getting everything ready in the morning definitely sends my body into contraction overload.  I'm hoping that I can work from home to finish it out.

Thirty-Two

I have to admit that I usually spend several days throughout the week working on my post for the week.  I find it easier to do it this way, rather than sitting down and spending a large chunk of time on one post for the week.  Typically I spend some time on Monday, maybe a little more on Tuesday or Wednesday, and then I spend Thursday reading over everything, reflecting on my past week, and making sure there aren't any god-forsaken grammatical or spelling errors.  This week I wrote a large chunk of this post on Monday, then we went to the doctor on Tuesday and things changed a lot.  If something doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you, right?

I think I may have mentioned this in a post when we first found out I was pregnant - but life really is one big ironic a-hole sometimes, isn't it?  Spend 8 months trying to get pregnant, and then 10 days later find out your dog is inevitably going to die?  Spend 8 months whining and complaining about being pregnant, only to find out that you're at risk of delivering your baby early - like way too early.

Here I am again at this place where I don't have earth-shattering, life-changing, devastatingly horrible news, but I do have news that's just not what you want to hear.  If it's true that God doesn't give you anything you can't handle, he must think Jake and I are Olympic triathletes, because I've had about enough not-so-great news trying to have another healthy baby to last me for the next few years.

As I mentioned last week, I have been having a lot of cramping and pressure in my lower abdomen.  I don't really remember this at all with Sam, so obviously I mentioned it to my doctor at my appointment on Tuesday.  I guess my 32 week appointment was scheduled to include a vaginal exam anyway, but because of my symptoms (which I now know were most likely actual contractions) he decided that it would be good idea to do a fetal fibronectin test to test for pre-term labor.  This tests for presence of the protein that holds your baby in place in your uterus.  If the test is positive, it means that you are at a higher risk of going into labor soon (my doctor said "in the next 3 weeks").  The thing about this test is that there are false positives, meaning that it doesn't mean if you test positive you are definitely going into labor in the next few weeks, it just means your body is leaking fFn, and is a sign that your body may be getting ready to deliver.  My test was positive.  My doctor told me that he really doesn't think that I will go into labor within the next week.  My cervix is "softer than it should be at 32 weeks" and I quote "he can see my mucus plug" (is there a grosser phrase in the English language?), but I'm not dilated at all.

The net of this is that I'm on a prescription to help stop the contractions.  I've been on it since Tuesday and I can definitely tell that they have slowed down significantly.  I've also been put on what I would call a modified bed rest.  He told me I need to take it easy, stop exercising (wah), and lay off the household chores (darn!).  If you know me at all, you know that sitting still is not exactly in my DNA (thanks Dad!).  My genes + a 3 year old are probably going to make "taking it easy" a relatively difficult task.  So thank goodness for parents as roommates right now - a super Poppy to play with Sam and a super GG to make dinner every night.  If not for them, I don't really know how our house would be functioning right now!

After 8 months of trying to get pregnant with this little booger, a trimester of morning sickness, an umbilical cord abnormality, and possible pre-term labor, it seems like this little lady is going to be quite the handful.  I guess the good news in all of this is that if I go into labor on my own a little bit early, she will probably be a little bit smaller than your run of the mill full term baby, so I'll probably be able to have a vaginal birth.  If she comes early, we'll get to enjoy her for a little longer than we would if she comes late.  And lastly, my sciatic pain will be gone sooner rather than later (I'm kidding but not).  On the other hand, the bad news is the thought of her coming any time before 36 weeks scares the absolute crap out of me.  I'd suffer through 1,000 weeks of pregnancy again if I could guarantee this little babe comes out healthy and not in need of extraordinary care.

So Macy, I know I said I was "over it", but if you could do mommy a favor and keep your cute little tushy put right here inside my uterus for at least another 3 or 4 weeks, that would be fantastic.  I know you really want to meet your sister - she's pretty hilarious and cute - and I know you really want to meet Mommy and Daddy - we try really hard to be good parents - but if you stay put (and even if you don't), we promise to spoil you with more love than you can imagine, and also a whole lot of hair bows.

On to the original post...

How Far Along:  32 Weeks

Size of Peanut: Squash.  Okay - so the weight estimate of this baby has not increased at all on thebump.com for like 4 weeks.  Maybe Macy isn't that small after all?

Total Weight Gain: According to my scale at home, I have only gained a half a pound since January 24th.  As much as I obviously don't want to gain any more weight at this point (specifically in my ass and thighs), I'm pretty sure NOT gaining any weight at this juncture is not a good thing for Macy.  Although highly unlikely, hopefully my bottom half is shrinking while she continues to grow.  That's the only logical explanation for this odd weight gain at this point, right?

Maternity Clothes: Most everything still fits at this point.  My wardrobe is pretty pitiful.  I wear the same things over and over again.  I'm really ready to have my entire wardrobe back at my disposal.

Exercise: Still doing well in this department.  Usually the hour I spend exercising and stretching is the most comfortable hour of my day.  I can no longer lay on my back without feeling like I'm going to pass out after about 15 seconds, so I'm having to modify any exercise that would constitute me doing that.  I'm really hoping to keep this up until the very end.  A girl at my gym at work was at the gym 3 days before her due date this week, so here's hoping I can do the same thing!
HA!  Well, I wrote this snippet on Monday and went to the doctor on Tuesday and got some new information, so I guess I jinxed myself.
*My thoughts on not being able to exercise: I know I sound like one of those douchey a-holes who is like "woo I love working out look at me posting on Facebook about it and checking in to some gym every 5 seconds and look how healthy I am.  But here's the thing - I actually really do love working out.  I love sweating.  I love running.  I love feeling like my arms and legs are going to give out.  I love pushing it just a little bit harder.  To say I am really sad about having to give that up for 3 or 4 months would be an understatement.  It's a stress reliever for me.  It's how I spend my lunch break at work.  I really hope I don't turn into some endorphin-less jerk with no energy while I sit my happy ass on a couch for the next few months and do nothing!

Sleep: What a joke.  We got our second "bed in a box" mattress about 3 weeks ago.  Jake and I both absolutely hated it even more than the other one.  It was SO firm and just plain not comfortable. Even though we ended up spending pretty significantly more than we planned on spending when we first bought the Leesa mattress 3 months ago, I think we finally found one at Mattress Firm that will do the trick.  The mattress itself is SO THICK that I think we are going to need to change the frame that it's sitting on, at least for the remainder of my pregnancy and recovery after birth (it's like climbing Everest to get into my bed).  Fingers crossed that we continue to like it going forward.

Movement: Macy babe continues to be super active throughout most of the day.  I do feel her in the middle of the night sometimes.  Although it's relatively irritating to be woken up in the middle of the night, chances are I am changing positions or getting up to pee anyway, so usually her movement at 3am just serves as a reminder that all is well and good in there and she's just stretching her little cramped self out.

Food Cravings: Still just allll the sugar, allll the time.  On Tuesday I asked Jake to get me a hot fudge sundae from Frisch's, and those asshats were out of ice cream.  How can you be OUT OF ICE CREAM?  Instead he went to Graeter's and brought it home to me where I proceeded to eat half of the pint.  Since I didn't get my hot fudge fix, I made him stop on his way home from running group (cruel, I know) and see if Frisch's had ice cream back in stock (fools).  Lucky for me, they did.  I wonder what kind of sweet treats I can stuff myself with for the rest of the week??

What I Miss: Only waking up to pee ONCE every night, rather than 2, 3, or 4 times.  Lofty goals, right?

What I am Looking Forward to: We are finally, I repeat FINALLY, closing on our construction loan on Friday and having our final pre-construction meeting with the builder.  I could not be more excited.  I love my parents, and I'm so grateful that they have room for us to be there (and given my current circumstances, it could not be better timing), but I am looking forward to having my own space again!  I really hope we break ground in the next few weeks.  I'm also looking forward to showering my sister-in-law with love and gifts on Sunday at her bridal shower!  She is going to be a beautiful bride, and she deserves all the happiness in the world!

Symptoms:  Well...contractions, cramping, abdominal pressure.  Oh, and back pain, sciatic pain, frequent urination, headaches, huge boobs, and sleeplessness.

Best Moment(s) this week: Tuesday was a rough night for us, trying to process and make sense of all the "what-ifs", and I was a little nervous about Wednesday being home with Sam and taking it easy.  The one thing about Wednesday though, is that I get to pick Sam up from preschool.  This is one thing I look forward to each week more than anything.  Kelle Hampton said something in one of her posts the other day about preschool pick up that I could not say better myself. This week, picking my sweet girl up from preschool was one of my best moments, so I wanted to leave this right here for me to remember forever, because it's oh so very true.

@etst: Can we talk about preschool pick-up for a minute? It's one of my favorite moments of the day. No matter how quick that pick-up time comes, no matter how much I failed to get done before I have to leave, I roll up in that pick-up line, catch sight of them standing with their teacher waiting for me, and my heart flutters. Every. Damn. Time. The look on their faces when they see me. I park the car, open the door, run out to greet them and for one tiny second, I can't breathe. That hug. That "Mommy!". How lucky to experience that moment over and over and over. 

Sam Tidbits:
Sam got a black eye this weekend.  She is a trooper and doesn't really seem to care about it.  No, I don't beat my child, she fell off a chair at the dinner table.  And yes, I've told her 1,469,354 times to stop squirming in her chair while she eats.  She's so beautiful, even with that nasty bruise.